Spelling Airs

We all know that nearly all cake decorators misspell "congratulations" every day.

(Um, John? I don't think...)

This is obviously because they're either drunk or completely incompetent.

(Okay now, we're totally gonna get in trouble for that...)

Now you might be saying, "I thought all drunk and completely incompetent people were politicians?"

(Well, that's true.)

But you would be wrong!

(I would?)

Which brings us back to cake.

(Oh, good.)


See? Comgratation. Interestingly enough, there are close to 3,000 accepted spellings of "congradulationed" in the decorators' dictionary.

Occasionally, though, they do spell it goodly:

Like so. Of course, sometimes after successfully spelling a word the thrill goes to the baker's head. Thusly we get "Ternifer" - a hybrid creation of "Terrific" and the name of the person who ordered the cake, perhaps?

Here again the decorator got the "hard" word right:

Sure, the number's a bit, well, wrong...but hey, numbers are hard!


Wisites: n. [wi-SET-eez] Small, fuzzy mammals indigenous to Uganda prized for their venom, which is said to cure gout and certain types of restless leg syndrome.

See? No misspellings here!

Well, y'all have a grrr-reat day now. Oh, and decorators? Bottoms up!

Jessica E., Christy C., Dana S., & Jessica, watch out; I hear those wisites spit.


- Related Wreckage: The "Year" of the "Grad"

Make Today Marry

Marry who, you ask?

Why, marry Christmas, of course!


And going by this next cake, I'm guessing "Christmas" is a small plush snowman:

Although that giant smear of icing does make you wonder what it *used* to say.

Here they got "Merry" right, but....

(Correction: I meant to say "however." So stop looking at me like that.)

Here's an interesting one:

"Alue"?

[blink blink]

Yeah, I got nuthin'.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know how important it is to get those writing and grammar skills ingrained at a young age.

Like so.

Now, it IS Christmas, so I'm afraid the big guy has to make an appearance:

And I am so, so sorry.

He does come bearing greetings, however.

Although if you misspell "Christmas," then he's going to go all stony faced.

Still, I can't think of a better harbinger of Christmas cheer than a really, really constipated Santa:

Dude. Nick, seriously, try a little coffee or something. I think you're about to put the "pop" in "apoplexy."

Well, happy Christmas, my dear Wreckies! Oh, and Krystle M., Michelle I., Jane K., Travis P., Sarah, Merideth S., Nils T., & Lisa H., also don't forget the importance of proper fiber intake. Just sayin'.

- Related Wreckage: In So Many Words

We Wish You A...What Now?

I don't know why, but for some reason I'm just not sure what these bakers are trying to tell us...

Let's see. Santa is face down in a heap.

So...Merry Christmas?


Maybe it's better if we flip him over.

Nope.


And now, a seasonal tongue-twister:

Sam the snowman shot a sheet of snowy sleet!

Aaaand, repeat. (Three times fast, if you please.)


When it comes to wrecking cakes, this baker hits just above the belt:

Now, since there's obviously a space there for an inscription, I've been trying to come up with something appropriate.

Ho Ho...no.

And to all a good...no.

Jingle...no.

Er, yeah, I'll just have to get back to you.

Actually, this kinda works if you're Irish. Go on: say it out loud. In your best Colin Farrell voice. With a sexy wink. Oh yeeeeeah. This working for anyone else? Just me? Hey, I'm ok with that.

At least we can all agree that nothing conveys holiday cheer quite like an icing dog with Santa's head on his butt:

"Woof woof, b*tches."

And now, Rudolph of the red nose himself would like to wish you all the merriest of Christmases:

Rudolph?

RUDOLPH?!?

WHYEEE????

Uh, well, since Rudolph is...hung up... at the moment, let's just end with this:

Althoug I reall do'n se wha th proble i.

Thanks to A. L., Brannon M., Rob R., Mouse, Suzie T., Katelyn C., Kelly, & Kristin. May you all marry Christmas. Or have a Mary Christmas. Or, um, GOOD DAY.

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CCC Day #12

Free Wheelchair Mission is an international nonprofit dedicated to providing wheelchairs for the impoverished disabled in developing nations. It takes less than $60 to provide someone in need with a means of mobility.

Click here to donate your dollar.

(And thanks for sticking through our twelve days of giving, guys! You rock!)

Seasoning's Greetings

There are plenty of reasons why you might not want to wish someone a merry Christmas.

Maybe you're trying to be more inclusive of the cooking community:


Or you're celebrating the oft-overlooked "Hally Days":


Or perhaps you want all of their various "hollidays" to be happy:


Or maybe - just maybe - you're trying to get your friend Roxanna a goodbye cake but all the bakery has on hand are stock Merry Christmas designs so you're forced to make do with one of those and then hope the Wreckerator on duty doesn't screw up your instructions too badly.

But that's just a guess.

Annie J., Kat I., April B., & Kimberly I., I think it's high time we all agreed that "Winter, underlined" really is the best greeting of the season - don't you?

- Related Wreckage: In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

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Today's charity, Love146, has one simple, compelling, gut-wrenching goal: "The abolition of child sex slavery and exploitation. Nothing less." If you have a box of tissues nearby, read how they got their name. Then go give that dollar - or maybe a few.

Click here to donate via our First Giving Campaign page.

Our 1000th Post!

Holy Schnikes, Wreckies, can you believe this is our 1,000th Cake Wrecks post?!?

Yeah. So can I. ("Hey, John, write up another apology. This time you ticked off Weimaraner owners.")

Still, we've come a long way since that night I was bored and thought someone piping "under neat that" on a cake warranted a goofy cake blog. 'Course, at the time, I didn't think a cake could get much worse.

Um...

Yep. We've come a loooong way, baby.

We've discovered the uncharted horrors of the cupcake cake [patooie!]:



Delved into the creeptastic world of cakey cannibalism:


Learned to put numbers in their proper place:


Not to mention quotation marks!


Then there are the mounds of pastry poo, unintentionally suggestive turkeys, wedding day disasters...oh! And the hardest word in the English language to spell:

I like it.

But *most* importantly, we've learned what giant golf balls are called:

Say it with me, now:

Mission: Space!

Many thanks to wreckporters Kimberly F., Christopher T., Kathryn H., Cyndi P., Dao, Erin B., Jr M., & Kellie B., who all got that joke.

I hope.

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CCC Day #5

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

Please click here to donate your dollar via First Giving.

The Sign Post

Better watch out for this bakery, henchpersons:

I hear they'll hang you out to dry.


"TELL US HoW WE ARE DOing.."

"An O you co-A WIN... " uh, some assorted scribbles.

Hey, uh, guys?

YOU'RE ON CAKE WRECKS.

What's that tell you?

Now, tell me what the mystery blob with the vaguely butterfly-like thing on it is supposed to be, and we'll call it even.


The bakers wielding the pastry bags aren't the only culprits, though:

I've seen a lot of these cakes. They live up to their name.

Aw, now why is "home made" in quotes? From that gooey ooze dripping out the bottom I can tell it's JUST like "home made." (Love you, Mom!)

*sigh*

Personally I don't see how you can use a "thank you," no matter WHICH underwear it might belong to.

(Give it a minute.)

(Theeere it is.)

Hey, Melissa P., Jennifer D., April G., Dani, Kelsey H., & Claire M., there's your sign.

In Which Happy Tanks SHOULD Be Given, But Are Not

My dear Wreckies, there are so many ways I could wish you a happy Thanksgiving today.

I could forget how it's spelled:

Tranksgiven? Hanksgiven?
Well, thank goodness for the poo tornado; how else would we know what the occasion is?

Sprinkles: they fix everything.

If you work in communications, I could get you a poo turkey and misspell your department name:

Isn't it ironic?

I could put a military spin on things:

I won't lie to you: I'm quite disappointed with the distinctly un-tank-like strawberries here.

I could try to avoid the spelling hazards in "thanksgiving" by skipping the word all together:

Although I suspect this isn't so much a lack of spelling ability as a general stinginess with letters; notice we only get a single "greeting."

I could remind you of the dangers of overeating:

"No, turkey, don't do it! You're beautiful just the way you are!"

Oh! Or here's an idea: I could avoid actual decorating all together, and use a mound of Dollar Store flotsam chucked in your cake's general direction to convey the appropriate sentiment:

The sentiment being "May you choke on a tiny plastic pilgrim," of course.

Or, I could simply assault you with a visage of such horror that nightmares of it may well plague you for the rest of your natural-born life:

[nodding] Yeah, I think I'll go with that. Seems the most memorable.

Theresa, Michelle H., Becky O., Denise M., Mike A., Chris O., & Vicky J., fingers crossed that you each get a "happy tank" today.


- Related Wreckage: Teasers for the Coming Seasons

Note- For those of you pointing it out, yes we do know that Autumn is misspelled. That's kind of the point.

Engaging Wrecks

Impending nuptials are a great cause for cakey celebration. Much like the word "nuptials." (Am I the only one who thinks "nuptials" sounds kinda funny? Nuptials. NUPtials. NupTIals. NUPTIALS.)

At least this Wreckerator knows how to work the word in all smooth-like:


At first I thought that said, "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace." Then I realized it's supposed to say, "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace." Which is a line from Shakespeare, so out of respect for all my English teacher friends, I won't make fun of it. Even if it IS said to someone named (I am not making this up) "Hippolyta."

ANYway.... the real problem is the line is just too old-fashioned. Remember, yesterday's "nuptial hour draws on apace," is today's "Cong's!"

See? It's a "you say tomato, I say tomato" kind of thing.

Wait. I just realized that saying doesn't work in writing.

Ok, potato, potato.

(Dang it!)

Look, the important thing is that your sentiment be truly heartfelt:

And that you use your clichéd clip art judiciously:

"Dang it. I ran out of room before I could use the champagne flutes surrounded by streamers!"

And most importantly, never complain about foot ailments while ordering:

[giggle]

Thanks to Wreckporters Carrie C., Ang H., Connie P., Lis, & Dana, who know that, when in doubt, you spell it in all caps.


STUFF UPDATE: Due to popular demand, we now have pins for sale! We're still in a trial run, so be sure to tell me which styles you like, which you'd like to see changed or nixed, and which you'd like to see us make in the future!