Santa's Little Inept Helper

[shop bell tinging]

"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to the problem?"

"I'll tell you what the problem is, my good man: I came in here yesterday to enlist your services in procuring my daughter's Christmas gifts. I even gave you her list:

"Yes, yes, very good. And?"

"And the presents you provided were severely substandard."

"Surely not!"

"I should say so. Just look at this doll you sent over:

"Ah, lovely doll, the Cindy Yella, isn't it? Beautiful blue skirt."

"It appears to be made of tentacles."

"Those add texture."

"And you spilled your coffee on it."

"That was there before."


"I see. And what about this 'bike'?"

"What about it?"

"I stated very clearly that my daughter is six years old, and wanted a tricycle."

"Yeah, but it looks cool on the ketchup and mustard smears, dudn't it?"

"So I suppose you thought jamming an entire deck of playing cards into icing looked 'cool' as well, did you?"

"What if I told you that wand magically cleans off all the icing?" [wink]

"Oh, does it?"

"No.

But it might."

"You just said it wouldn't."

"But it might."

[staring]

"Fine. Now, would you kindly explain this?"

"It's a puppy."

"It's a dead dog."

"Puppies are dogs."

"But it is DECEASED."

"No, no, he's just resting!"

"Resting? RESTING?!?

****

Say, you ever get the feeling we've said this before?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

"Huh."

"Huh."

****
"You...uh... wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

"Ooh, let's!"

Thanks to Mindy S., doctorhj, Yael, Stephanie, & Laura K., who agree that dead puppies aren't much fun.